here in christchurch

I just watched a beautiful sunset after the crazy day.

haunted house

People in this hostel are nice. They smile at you and say hello to you. But they don't talk to you. Sometimes I wonder if I am the ghost or they are the ghosts of the house.

a nice afternoon

I was reading a book, enjoying the sunshine in the balcony of an absolutely fabulous building built in 1907 and pretending it's my own house.

woohoo

Hello New Zealand!

睡到十二點

在國小的大禮堂
坐著滿滿的人
兩個小孩在玩鏡子遊戲
我右手畫一個圈
你左手就要畫一個圈
sherry不虧是我的愛徒

在進禮堂前
遇到林威利
抱怨著數學的事
左臉的汗水滴了下來
很是帥氣

我蹺課
一個人跑去游泳池游泳

The Green Door

今天下班凖備經過查克街時，我覺得不太對勁，並不是想到克 里絲汀娜今天短了兩吋的窄裙，而是我發現查克街和布爾路的 轉角多了扇綠色的門。

這裡原本開了家咖啡店，由一對日本夫婦經營，店面外頭擺放 著隻總是笑咪咪的招財貓，每天經過的時候，咖啡香味從木頭 門縫裡飄散出來，穿梭在來來往往的西裝外套和公事包之間， 而我老是懷疑那隻日本貓的笑容是不是不懷好意。約莫在二年 前的某個早上，雨下得極大，咖啡店大門緊閉，只有日本貓獨 自在外頭，斗大的雨滴不停打在牠身上，卻仍然笑咪咪地，我 想牠對我這個剛剛被汽車濺起來的水花濺得一褲子的夥伙大概 沒有什麼諷刺的意味，牠或許只是對一切都無所謂，我撐著傘 和牠站了一會，撥了撥了外套上的水珠，續繼往上班的路走去 。那是我最後一次見到日本貓，也不曾再看過咖啡店營業。

總之這裡原本沒有這扇綠色的門。

看了看手上的錶，離今晚的足球轉播還有三十分鐘的時間，我 決定帶一杯黑咖啡回家。

我轉了轉門把，「咔」地一聲，門就開了，然後我走了進去， 輕而易舉。

我從來不知道看起來狹小的咖啡館裡頭竟然有這樣寬廣的空間 ，就像我從來不知道店裡的咖啡好不好喝，更不知道這裡根本 不賣咖啡。木頭地板的盡頭有個簡單的舞台，天花板上掛著幾 串電燈泡，其中幾盞燈泡看起來是快壞了，閃爍的燈光打在地 板倒顯得可愛。舞台的前方有三排座椅，觀眾零零散散地坐在 椅子上，看起來全是一個樣，西裝筆挺的上班族，腳邊擺放著 公事包。

我挑了最旁邊的位置凖備坐了下來，西裝機器人部隊忽然一起 大笑，我嚇得一屁股跌坐在椅子上，公事包打在隔壁位置的機 器人身上，然後才發現機器人部隊根本沒有注意到我，原來是 台上的女郎剛跌了一跤，噗。

台上的兔女郎有著蘋果綠的短髮，像進來的門的顏色一樣，她 站起來的時候，笑咪咪的，甩了甩頭上的兩個大耳朵，朝著機 器人部隊扭了扭俏屁股，機器人部隊可樂歪了，接著她向舞台 的右後方一指，像是魔術一般，走出了另一個蘋果綠兔女郞， 然後接著又是一個蘋果綠兔女郞，就這樣一個接一個，十來個 蘋果綠兔女郞部隊一起向機器人部隊拋了個飛吻，機器人部隊 嘟著嘴向兔女郞部隊回拋了飛吻，我當然也是盡責地聽從長官 的指令。

接著兔女郎部隊們伸出右手來，「呼」地一聲，手上多了把刀 子，然後伸出左手，「呼」地一聲，手上多了顆柚子，刀子映 著昏黃的燈光閃閃發光，俏麗的兔女郞部隊也閃閃發光，笑咪 咪，機器人部隊熱情地鼓掌、叫囂，我張著嘴巴，跟著鼓掌， 兔女郎部隊舉起白亮的刀子，笑咪咪，準備表演切柚子。

然後我覺得有點不大對勁，不是刀子，也不是柚子，台上的兔 女郞一齊向我眨了個眼，眼睛一開，我站在查克街和布爾路的 轉角，轉角的咖啡店的木頭門在黑色的夜裡更加黯淡，我看了 看手上的錶，距離晚上的球賽還有二十分鐘，我拉了拉衣領， 凖備過馬路，前方一隻白色的貓輕快地走過，然後轉頭看著我 ，笑咪咪。


*postcard sent by Joanna from Poland

爸鬥腰

碳烤都賣完了
我和妹妹買了鮪魚鬆餅
老闆說他老爸老媽都是正港台灣人
可是他明明一臉中南美洲樣

訪客 visitors

下午在妹妹房間睡午覺的時候我夢到我在妹妹的房間睡午覺
陽台有美麗的花朵
我想念的小孩們來看我
我很開心夢到我很開心地跟他們說話


I dreamed of taking a nap in my sister's bedroom while I was taking a nap in her bedroom. There were beautiful flowers shining in the balcony. Those kids whom I miss a lot came to see me. I feel so happy that I dreamed of talking to them happily.

倒數

我十分焦慮，卻又充滿期待。

夢 dreams

有時候反映慾望，有時候反映恐懼，都是只能藏在心底不能說的。
Dreams sometimes reflect desires and sometimes reflect fear.
They are those so deep inside that can't be told to others.

It's all about 23

"23 magic, if you can change your life."

我不知道要怎麼解釋，可能可以稱之為註定，也可能只是巧合，不過我 可以確定的是：一切都跟２３有關。

我記不得是哪個關鍵時刻我決定改變。可能是看見和莫里斯之間存在裂 縫的時候；可能是跟即將到另一塊大陸生活的朋友揮手道別的時候；可 能是在糟糕透了的工作後，看到朋友開心微笑的照片的時候；又或許是 那個我醒來，安靜地躺在床上，困惑著我的未來的早晨。

總之，某個我回想不起來的日子，我決定改變我的人生，然後從那之後 這就成了我牢牢惦記的事。

也許這對很多人來說很簡單，但對我來說並不容易。沒錯，我決定辭掉 我做了很久的工作。

六月二十三號這天，我做了個夢。我夢到我在老闆面前說要辭職。如果 你是個心理學家的話，你可能會說我一定是壓力太大了，但是我只能說 我有讓我的夢境成真的魔法。兩個月後，我告訴老闆我要辭去工作。我 甚至還用了那個排練辭職的夢裡的台詞。後來我才注意到，那天也是二 十三號。

十月的第二個星期五，我收到張來自德國的明信片。上面印了約翰藍儂 的話：Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. 這張卡來的時機真是太完美了。那天，我把 明信片留在桌上，離開了房間，然後結束了我做了七年的工作。

我真是覺得慶幸好險不是做了二十三年。

於是我辭職了。

忙著計劃別的事。

十天前我訂了到北島的機票，我打算在那裡旅行一年。我有提到前往的 日子也是二十三號嗎？欸，我真的不是刻意安排的，我早說了一切都跟 ２３有關！

--

"23 magic, if you can change your life."

I don't know how to explain it. Maybe I can call it's fate or maybe it's nothing but some random coincidences. However, there's only one thing I can be sure: it's all about 23.

I can't recall when's the crucial moment I decided to have a change. Maybe it's the moment that I saw the gap between Morris and me. Maybe it's the moment I waved goodbye to my friend who's going to start a life in another continent. Maybe it's the moment I saw a photo of a smiling face of my friend's after a lousy working day. Or maybe it's the morning that I woke up early, lying on the bed quietly and was confused about my uncertain future.

So anyway, one day, which I can't recall, I made up my mind to change my life, and it has become the only thing I keep in mind since then.

It may sound easy for most of the other people, but it's never easy for me. Yes, I want to leave the job which I've been working for a long time.

On the day June the 23rd, I had a weird dream. I dreamed of me making a speech of quitting the job in front of my boss. I know if you are a psychologist, you may tell me I'm under too much pressure, but I can tell you I have the magic to make my dream come true. Two months later, I told my boss my quitting. I even stole some lines from my rehearsal dream. And I didn't notice that it's date 23rd until then.

On the second Friday in October, I received a postcard from Germany. It has a quote by John Lennon. It says: "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." It sure came at the perfect time. I left the card on the table, and left the house, and then left the job I worked for seven years on that day.

I felt relieved that it's not 23 years then.

So I quit.

And I'm busy making other plans.

I booked the ticket to the the North Island ten days ago. I'm going traveling there for a year. And did I mention the date of heading to the new place is 23rd as well? Well, I didn't plan it on purpose though. I've told you it's all about 23!

膽小鬼

我們在很高的地方
本來要跳高空彈跳的樣子
忽然旁邊升起彩色的熱氣球
我說坐這個就好了
然後踏上黃色梯子往下爬




--
這個夢完全就是回應和跳過skydiving的E女郞的談話！

the circus

*postcard sent by Axel from Germany

海波浪

我內心澎湃親像海波浪

潮溼

我們在劇場看劇
右前方的青年激動地舞著手說話
我轉頭看到阿嬤和阿爸都睡著了

Sandy和他妹妹跑在前面咯咯地笑
Ivan在後頭跟我說他家就在來爾富旁邊
我打開阿嬤家的門
媽媽從搖椅上起來
說他要去炒蛋炒飯給我吃

我們在等巴士
下了毛毛雨
我把帽子拉起來
給他車錢
他把零錢還給我
跟我一起等著坐車的人竟然是pulp

開到荼糜

我還沒有完全地參透，可是我非常地喜歡，歌和詞和歌手，像是有魔力 一般，我聽了一遍又一遍，聽到房間裡的花都謝了。


--
開到荼糜
作曲: C Y Kong
填詞: 林夕

每隻螞蟻　都有眼睛鼻子　牠美不美麗　偏差有沒有一毫釐　有何關係
每一個人　傷心了就哭泣　餓了就要吃　相差大不過天地　有何刺激
有太多太多魔力　太少道理　太多太多遊戲　只是為了好奇
還有什麼值得　歇斯底里　對什麼東西　死心塌地
一個一個偶像　都不外如此　沉迷過的偶像　一個個消失
誰曾傷天害理　誰又是上帝　我們在等待　什麼奇蹟
最後剩下自己　捨不得挑剔　最後對著自己　也不大看的起
誰給我全世界　我都會懷疑　心花怒放　卻開到荼蘼

一個一個一個人　誰比誰美麗
一個一個一個人　誰比誰甜蜜
一個一個一個人　誰比誰容易　又有什麼了不起

每隻螞蟻　和誰擦身而過　都那麼整齊　有何關係
每一個人　碰見所愛的人　卻心有餘悸

I insist.

It's not an escape. It's a decision.

開心

我因為你真心地為我開心而感到非常開心！

不期而遇

香港
我在看紀念品攤子
遇到四月先生

兔女郞

蘋果綠的短髮
還有兩個大耳朵
是俏麗的兔女郞
手上拿著刀
凖備上台表演切袖子

到底去了哪裡

我們到了英國
找不到倫敦眼
車子往前開
兩邊的風景像台灣
我想會不會我們在香港
澳門的紫色旗袍小姐化身海關人員
我說sorry, could you please say again
她嘖了一聲別過頭
問我阿根廷人友不友善
我說我沒去過阿根廷
然後澳門小姐改用國語跟我親切的談話
下了手扶梯
一片大牧場
我們排了好長的隊伍
凖備出境美國

女孩相關蒙太奇

我們要去上學
學生擠滿整條小路
兩旁開滿彩色的花草
爸爸開著藍色的貨車
有一點點毛毛雨
我走著走著走到海邊
看得到島
我問經過的制服女生我的學校在哪裡
她舉起手指向海上某個島

我坐在Emma的旁邊
Emma忘了女孩的單字怎麼拼
只寫了一個g

我穿著藍色的裙子
老師叫我起來回答問題
我變大變小
像愛麗絲

我拿著籃球
問男孩要不要一起打籃球
旁邊的男孩女孩說好
我們一起跳下圍牆
我問經過的女孩們籃球場在哪裡
男孩考慮起應不應該回去
我跟其他人往前走轉個彎
沒發現籃球場
卻發現法院
這個court不是那個court
女孩大概是想陷害我們

辭窮

I found it not easy to tell them I'm leaving.

好國民

為了有禮貌，我們不可以說真心話。

誰來午餐

大衛杜考夫尼和他老婆在吃豆花
我結結巴巴地跟他說我有看他演的影集
然後問到為什麼要來這裡的時候
他說他們應該要走了
我回到家
媽媽說今天中午有外國人來吃午餐

交換

小女孩說他不要芭比娃娃了，他想要買捲髮器，曲家瑞拿了 二十七塊美金跟他買了芭比，他不想長大，女孩想長大， 他們就在草坪上交換了青春。

在教室

我們坐在一起
老師在黑板寫了滿滿的筆記
我坐的椅子像木馬搖個不停
你問我為什麼
我想著別的事
然後你把筆記借給我

我覺得開心

"so long as I get somewhere"

"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

two months later,

I literally make my dream come true.


**
2011 06, 23
我在睡夢中練習了辭職時要講的台詞。
I rehearsed my speech of quitting the job in my dream today.
**

潔西卡 Jessica

大魔王打了我額頭
我跟他說小老鼠的故事
他們離開後
我躲到屋子
隔壁屋間的惡犬就要撲過來
我把透明的門像夾鏈袋那樣拉起來
拉開白色的窗簾
另一頭的小孩盯著我看
他們說這是潔西卡的房間
我醒了過來滿身是汗
耳朵聽到my bloody valentine的soon


**
The man patted on my forehread.
I told him the story of the little mouse.
After they left,
I hid myself in the house.
The dogs in the next room were running to me.
I zipped the door right before they came out.
I drew the white curtain,
and saw kids on the other side staring at me.
"This is Jessica's room," they said.
I woke up covered in sweat,
and the song playing in my ears was "Soon" by My Bloody Valentine.

游泳課

拎著拖鞋
猶豫該穿紅色的還是藍色的
走過禮堂
穿過一顆顆彈力球
游泳池在活動中心的底下
女孩子在玩日文接龍
德國的潛水艇從窗外飛過
綁著馬利兄弟的布偶
在快要撞上開心玩樂的人群前
急速停止

真心話大冒險

The consequence of speaking out and being honest with your friend is you may absofuckinglutely lose the friend.

:)

'cause I knew something,

and I can't pretend I didn't know it.

不為什麼

我不因你而什麼，而你也不因我而什麼。

多桑

多桑
吳念真 1994

非常地好看。

故事從畫面和事件的本身推展開來，電影提供了一個個生活 的片段，拼湊出多桑這個人形，還有其他多桑身邊的人的人 形，還有一個世代的形貌。有些許地啼笑皆非，可是卻又非 常地生活非常地有個性，那就是重現那一個時代應該有的樣 子那樣地有生命。

最後sega帥氣地謝幕後，我在想我會留下的關於我的多桑的 片段是哪些。

「浮沉隨浪，只記今朝」

我要這樣。

我感到抱歉的是

當我說對不起的時候，我並不真心感到抱歉。
I feel sorry when I say sorry but I don't really feel sorry at all.

since then,

we are still friends, but we don't share secrets anymore.

n

should i speak out and take the risk of losing a friend?

小丑先生

"meet a clown, fall in love"
我喜歡你濃妝艷抹，逗我發笑的樣子。

*card sent by claus from germany

move forward

"If you keep both feet on the ground, you'll never move forward."


Jacqueline and Ruud said, "Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith on do something strange to move forward."

*card sent by Jacqueline and Ruud from the Netherlands

排演 rehearsal

我在睡夢中練習了辭職時要講的台詞。
I rehearsed my speech of quitting the job in my dream today.

諜報片

走進片廠
大家都是007
各自懷著鬼
心意死在肚子裡

那就不要停

向前走，採遍一路上的野花朵，啥咪嚨不驚。

想念

長成月桂樹，怎麼砍都砍不斷。

睜開眼睛的時候發現

被留下來的夢是真的不是假的。

B級恐怖片 a b class horror movie

我抱著嬰兒
綠色的怪物跑進來
小嬰兒雙手抓住電動捲門
捲門拉了起來
嬰兒的手指頭斷成兩截留在門上
我轉頭找麥香紅茶
手指頭掉了下來接回雙手
嬰兒呵呵地笑
我抱著他在騎樓等爸爸開老家的鐵門
雨下不停


i held a baby on my arm.
a green monster ran in th house in an awkward way.
the baby grabbed on the roller door.
the roller door moved,
and fingers were left on the door.
i turned over to look for my black tea.
fingers fell and down on the baby's hands;
he started to laugh.
i held the baby outside, waiting for my dad to open the door;
and it didn't stop rainning.

mad tea party

接著假四月先生坐了下來，戴上藤編帽，喝著手上的啤酒，轉頭向三月兔女孩說話，我坐在他們的後 面，和公主唱著「如果你愛我，請求你說，說一個完美的謊話，讓我感動 」，我唱著歌，手上沒有 啤酒，真正的四月先生終究沒有出現，這只是我自己一個人的mad tea party。

Then the fake Mr. April sat down and put on the hat. He started to drink the beer and turned back to talk to the March Hare girl. I was sitting behind them, singing the tune with the singer on the stage. "If you love me, please tell me. Please tell me a perfect lie, to make me touched by." I sang the song and didn't have any wine. The real Mr. April didn't show up till the end. This was only a mad tea party of my own.


i finally got a tea party card. (grin)
*swap card with catherine from russia

My Dinner with Clunky

People Weekly
Feb. 5, 1996

Talking with ... Tori Amos
“My Dinner with Clunky”
和多莉艾莫斯對談─「我和克朗奇的晚餐」

How offbeat is singer-songwriter Tori Amos? Well, her childhood imaginary pal Clunky, a purple monkey, is alive and well and in a song on her third full-length solo CD, BOYS FOR PELE (Atlantic).
多莉艾莫斯是怎麼樣的與眾不同呢？喔，她的童年虛構夥伴「 克朗奇」，一隻紫色的猴子，現在還活得好好的，而且還在她 第三張個人專輯「火山女神的男孩」裡的歌曲出現。

“I’ve been aware of him for years,” says Amos, 32, an American who’s single and lives in London, “I’ ve had many a dinner with him. He’s always sitting on my shoulder.”
「我已經認識他很久了。」艾莫斯說。她現在三十二歲，單身 ，是個住在倫敦的美國人。「我和他吃過多次晚餐，他總是坐 在我的肩上。」

WHERE DO YOU WRITE YOUR SONGS?
你是在什麼地方寫歌的？

I like writing in bathrooms. The acoustics can be great. You can turn on the water, sing, and nobody can hear you.
我喜歡在浴室寫歌，聲音的效果很棒，而且轉開水龍頭，就沒 有人會聽見你在唱歌。

LIKE TERI HATCHER, YOU HAVE A BIG FOLLOWING ON THE INTERNET? DO YOU READ THE MESSAGES YOUR FANS SEND TO YOU?
如同Teri Hatcher，你在網路上有一大群歌迷，那你會讀歌迷 的留言嗎？

I don’t own a computer. I have a nine-foot piano in my home to compose my messages. Why would I want a one-foot computer to do the same thing? I'm fascinated by my road crew’s fascination with computers, but I don’t have any desire to use that keyboard. I want to go back to my own.
我沒有電腦。我家裡有一台九呎高的鋼琴，用來作曲，傳達我 想說的訊息，我何必再有一台一呎高的電腦來做同樣的事呢？ 我的歌迷對電腦的著迷吸引著我，但我不會想使用鍵盤。我想 用我自己的方式。

WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT PERFORMING LIVE?
說說你對現場演出的看法？

When I play live, I walk in feeling that we could go anywhere, reach any star system. Once I'm out there it's almost like I'm in a trance. I can get very physical, too. Hopefully, when I go back on tour, it'll tone my body.
當我現場演出時，那感覺得就像是可以去任何地方，到達任何 星空；演出時，就像處在迷幻的狀態，那也可以是肉體上的改變。希望當我回去巡迴演出，那些演出 會使我更強健。

組織的變化

總是讓我想到九宮格拼圖。

愛的聯名卡

口吃先生的繞口令：我我我我我我我唉矮唉唉唉艾愛，你。

心算老師的練習題：[(321+63)/2+68]x2

九歲男孩的食譜：「你喜歡吃豆腐嗎？」「你是說真的，還是女生的？」

文藝少年少女的心得報告：用盡了明喻暗喻借喻轉喻擬人譬喻疊字押韻的千言萬語，就是不肯說句我愛你

摩登少年的無心之過:（不管他說了什麼愛人的話，都請不要輕易感動。）

同步更新

當心合起來的時候，嘴巴也會跟著合起來。

往事

往事如長壽，香煙裊裊萬壽無疆。




Jimmy Gator: The book says, "We might be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us." -Magnolia-

安眠藥丸 sleeping pills

之一

我們騎著鐵馬
穿過一片田野
黑狗在遠方跑

我閃過人群
和神偶攀談
延遲和大家的聚餐
我低著頭吃飯
出了會場
外國男子說他是法國酒莊老闆


之二

威廉和凱特星期五要結婚
我轉頭看男子
他是我的假王子
我是他的假公主
好像很甜蜜
重點卻都忘記



--
one
we were riding the bike
through a field.
a black dog was runnng far away.

i walked through the crowd
and talked to the divine gods
to defer to attend the lunch.
i lowed my head and ate.
after going out of the place,
a foreign guy told me he was the owner of a french chateau.


two
william and kate were going to get married on friday.
i turned over to look at the man
who was my fake prince
and i was her fake princess.
we seemed to have some sweet moments,
but i forgot all the details.

river 河

There was a river between you and us, way before I have noticed.

I thought of swimming across the river. But why don't you swim across the river, I sometimes wonder.

I like the way she says hello. I like the way she talks with a sharp tongue. I like the way she laughs out loud. I like the way she smiles with a tender heart. I like you everyone of you on the other shore.

But there is still a river between you and us, way after I have noticed.



--
我們和你們之間有著一條河，早在我察覺之前就存在著。

我想著游過那條河。但是有時候我想，為什麼你們不游過這條河。

我喜歡她說嗨的樣子；我喜歡她伶牙俐嘴的樣子；我喜歡她大笑的樣子； 我喜歡她溫柔微笑的樣子。我喜歡在那邊岸上的每一個你們。

可是我們和你們之間還是有著一條河，在我察覺很久之後還是存在著。

The Pink Tour Book intro

尼爾蓋曼寫給The Pink Tour Book
中文是我私人的翻譯
--
The Pink Tour book intro
written by neil gaiman


Hi, by the way

I met her first on a tape, and after that we spoke on the phone late at night, and then one evening I went to see her play piano and sing.

It was a tiny Notting Hill Brasserie, and Tori had already started when I got there. She saw me come in and smiled like the lighting of a beacon, played Tear In Your Hand to welcome me in. The room was almost empty, save for the owner, who was having his birthday meal in the middle of the room. Tori sang Happy Birthday to You, then a song she's just made up called Me And A Gun, pure, dark and alone.

Later, we went off through Notting Hill and talked like old friends do who are meeting for the very first time. On the empty subway platform she sang and danced and acted out the video she had made that day for Silent All These Years -- one moment she was a Tori in a box, spinning around, the next a small girl dancing past a piano...

That was several years ago.

I know Tori a little better now than I did that night, but the wonderment she inspired then has faded neither with time nor with familiarity.

Tori doesn't ever ring me anymore. She sends strange messages by other means and intermediaries, and I have to track her down in odd countries, negotiate my way through foreign switchboards. The last time she wanted to tell me that they served great pumpkin ice cream in the place across from the recording studio, a continent away.

She offered to save me some.

And she wanted to tell me she sings about me on Under The Pink. "What do you sing?" I asked.

"Where's Neil when you need him?" she said.

Tori is wise and witchy and wickedly innocent. What you see is what you get: A little delirium, a lot of delight. There's fairy blood inside her, and a sense of humor that shimmer and illuminates and turns the world upside down.

She sings like an angel and rocks like a red-haired banshee. She's a small miracle. She's my friend.

I don't know where I am when you need me. I hope the pumpkin ice cream doesn't melt before I find out.

-Neil Gaiman

嗨

我第一次聽到多莉是從錄音帶，之後，我們通過電話，然後有一天，我去看她 彈奏鋼琴，看她演唱。

當我抵達窄小的諾丁山餐廳時，多莉已經開始表演了。她看見我進來，然後微 笑，像燈塔的光一般，演唱了〈你手裡的眼淚〉歡迎我。餐廳裡沒有什麼人， 老闆自己包了下來，他坐在房間的中央吃著他的生日餐點。多莉唱了生日快樂 歌，還有另一首她剛做好的歌叫做〈我和槍〉，那是首純澈、黑暗、孤獨的歌。

之後，我們走遍諾丁山。我們像是老朋友般地交談，那不過是我們第一次見面。 在空無一人的地鐵站，她唱著歌，跳著舞，模仿了她在音樂錄音帶裡的樣子， 那是她那天才剛錄好的〈沈默多年〉。上一秒她是個困在箱子裡的多莉，快速 地旋轉，下一秒她是個小女孩，跳著舞經過鋼琴…

那是好幾年前的事了。

比起那天晚上，現在我更了解了多莉多一點，但她帶給我的驚奇，並沒有隨著 時間還有熟悉而消弱。

多莉不打電話給我。她用其他的方法帶給我訊息，然後我得透過異 國的總機台搞定前往的方法，在奇特的國家找到她。上一次她想告訴我，在她 錄音室的對面有家店，店有很棒的南瓜冰淇淋，而那家店遠在另一個洲。

她說她會幫我留些冰淇淋。

她告訴我她在〈紅粉心事〉裡提到我。「你唱了什麼？」我問。

「當你需要尼爾的時候，他人在哪裡？」她說。

多莉聰明、神祕、調皮天真。她就是你所看到的這個樣子：有點狂熱，卻又十 分討人喜歡。在她體內流著精靈的血液，還有發著光的、足以讓世界為之顛倒 的幽默。

她唱起歌來像天使，又像個紅髮妖精搖撼眾人。她是個小小的奇跡，她是我的 朋友。

我不知道當你需要我時我會在哪。我希望在我找到之前，那南瓜冰淇淋還沒融 化。

--尼爾蓋曼

樹籬迷宮 a hedge maze

09/04/2011
a hedge maze

最後那一大段的路程裡只有我一個人走在窄小的道路，本來錯身而過的人們好像都突然消失不見，樹叢的高度差不多是我踮著腳尖可以露出眼睛的高度。我知道出口就在我的右前方，向前轉一個彎，死路一條，在轉一個彎，還是死路一條，本來一路憑著直覺往前暢快通行的運氣，好像在在意就快要找到出口的興奮後也突然消失，於是我開始有點擔心是不是會走不出迷宮。如果我可以像鬼魂一樣穿過樹叢，出口就在前方兩分鐘遠的地方。不過我想到達出口之前，我大概早就在陽光下蒸發。

於是我繼續往前行，踏著雙腳，一步一步，我跟著自己的影子。不知道是從什麼時候開始，但是好像開始變得簡單。記不得轉了多少彎，最後我終於到了我在找的地方。

"What will grow crooked, you can't make straight," 湯姆大叔說的好像沒錯。


I was walking on the narrow path. With no one but myself. Everyone seemed to be gone at sudden. The height of the hedge was about the me in tip toe. I could see the exit on the right, jut right before me. So I picked a turn. A dead end. I picked another turn. And another dead end. The luck I carried so for seemed to pop in the air at once just right after I had found myself the exit from the maze. I started to feel a little worried. If I cound walk through the hedge walls like a ghost, the way to go out was just two-minute straight away. But I would have evaporated in the sunshine before reaching the exit I am sure.

So I was walking again, well with my feet. Step by step. I followed my shadow. I didn't remember when but it started to become easier. After turns and turns that I couldn't recall how many, I finally got to the place I was looking for.

"What will grow crooked, you can't make straight," I guess Uncle Thom is right.

The Virgin Suicides

The Virgin Suicides
1999 Sophia Coppola

老實說我很在意姐妹們並不傷心Cecilia的死。Not even a frown or something.

不知道為什麼，喬許哈奈特的角色Trip一直讓我想到金城武，還有四月先生，既使我從 來不覺得四月先生像著金城武。可能是Trip走在長廊的滑步還有頭髮的長度，我猜，不 過萬人迷的髮型真是讓我發笑。

"You're a stone fox."摩登少年說愛人的時候，果然不能輕易感動。

整個四月傷透了心

不稱職舞女

「羊男先生，我的鞋子壞了。」

假期 my vacation

我生病了。

掛上電話，他們出了門，準備享受愉快的假期，我縮回被窩。

整個早上和下午都在昏睡中度過，我想應該沒有感冒，只是流了太多淚，頭痛得厲害。頭痛得厲害卻又沒有辦法好好地睡著，做了幾個夢，甚至看了電影，可是想不起來到底看了什麼電影，做了什麼夢。

他們回來後，我開始想嘔吐，縮著身子躺在床上，身體裡像是有怪物要竄出，壓抑不住怪物的時候，就跑往廁所吐，黃色的黏稠物從口裡吐出來，吐完，沖水，再吐，再沖水，我吐了一口痰，嘴巴盡是酸臭。

第二天他們下樓後，媽媽來看我，我把棉被拉上來點，媽媽問我要不要吃點東西，我搖頭，她把飯菜留在桌上，我掉了滴眼淚。

醒來後我讀起小說，窗簾透不進光，沒有任何聲音，我像是在另一個空間裡一般安靜地讀著小說。小說寫到主角認識的女人死掉了，「非常地、完全地、死著。」他這樣形容。我想到黃色怪物在馬桶裡漩著跳舞的樣子。

那之後，我洗了個很久的澡，把身體每一個地方仔細地搓洗，洗到雙手起皺，被熱水沖得紅腫。

我覺得怪物大概趁著半夜住回我的身體。第三天，我的喉嚨火熱，牠大概在燒著鍋爐。

當大家在吃飯時，我又睡著了，但這次我記得我的夢，我在裡面殺死了一隻大蟑螂。

然後下午我寫起文章，頭還痛著。爸爸叫吃我晚飯時，我一點都不餓，這三天來我吃了兩餐，喝了兩杯熱開水，可是我一點也不覺得餓，我想我的胃大概被怪物吃掉了。

現在我想先去洗個澡，然後我也許會讀小說，想知道誰殺了女人；也許我會再睡著，做個夢，也許我就躺著，什麼事也不做。

然後我可能就會變成怪物了，非常地、完全地，結束我糟糕透了的假期。


**
I was sick.

Hang up the phone. They were ready to go out to enjoy their vacation. I hid myself back in the bed.

I kept on falling asleep and waking up. I thought I didn't get a cold. Just too many tears. A terrible headache. I wished I had had a good sleep, but I didn't. Having several dreams and even a movie on the bed, but I remember nothing at all.

When they came back, I started to feel like vomiting. I lay on the bed like a cat. A monster was running inside my body, wanting to come out. When I couldn't stop it, I ran to the toilet and let it out. Sticky yellow stuff came out of my mouth. Come out. Flush the toilet. Come out again. Flush the toliet again. Just like a robot. Spit. My mouth smelled like shit.

On the second day, they went downstairs again. Mom came to see me. I hid myself a little deeper. She asked me if I was hungry. I shook my head. She left the breakfast on the table. A drop of tear fell down on my face.

After waking up, I started to read a novel. Curtain covered the light outside; no one was speaking. I seemed to be in another space. I was reading. Quietly. A lady died in the novel. "Badly, completely dead," the main character said. I thought of the way the monster danced in the toilet water.

After that, I took a long shower. I scrubbed every part of my body until my fingers were red abd wrinkled.

I guessed the monster sneaked back in me while I was sleeping. On the third day, my throat was like on fire. The monster was probably burning something inside.

While everyone was eating, I fell asleep again. I remembered my dream this time. I killed a large cockroach in my dream.

I started to write this article in the afternoon. Still having the headache. When Dad called me for dinner, I didn't feel hungry at all. For the past three days, I only had two meals and drank two cups of hot water, but I didn't feel hungry at all. Not at all. I guesses my stomache had been eaten up by the monster.

I want to take a bath now. And then, I may continue reading the book, to find out who killed the lady. Or I may get back to my bed, to have another dream. Or maybe I would just lie on my bed, doing nothing.

And then I would become the monster, badly, completely, and end up my fucked-up vacation.

Mr. Sadman

Mr. Sadman didn't bring me a dream lover yet, but brought two lovers to my dream today. May his magic beam cast on me and bring me a dream to call my own.


**
Mr. Sadman
The Chordettes

Mister Sandman, bring me a dream
Make him the cutest that I've ever seen
Give him two lips like roses in clover
Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over

Sandman, I'm so alone
Don't have nobody to call my own
Please turn on your magic beam
Mister Sandman, bring me a dream

Mister Sandman, bring me a dream
Make him the cutest that I've ever seen
Give him the word that I'm not a rover
Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over

Sandman, I'm so alone
Don't have nobody to call my own
Please turn on your magic beam
Mister Sandman, bring me a dream

Mister Sandman, bring us a dream
Give him a pair of eyes with a "come hither" gleam
Give him a lonely heart like Pagliacci
And lots of wavy hair like Liberacci

Mister Sandman, someone to hold
Would be so peachy before we're to old
So please turn on your magic beam
Mister Sandman, bring us
Please, please, please
Mister Sandman, bring us a dream

黑天鵝

從動物園的黑天鵝到納塔莉的黑天鵝再到以湯姆約克的黑天鵝作結的這個星期五晚上果真是個fucked up night。


**
black swan
thom yorke

what will grow crooked you can't make straight it's the price that you've gotta pay do yourself a favor and pack your bags buy a ticket and get on the train buy a ticket and get on the train 'cause this is fucked up, fucked up 'cause this is fucked up, fucked up people get crushed like biscuit crumbs and laid down in the bitumen you have tried your best to please everyone but it just isn't happening no, it just isn't happening and that is fucked up, fucked up well this is fucked up, fucked up this is your blind spot, blind spot it should be obvious, but it's not (but it isn't, but it isn't) you cannot kickstart a dead horse you just cross yourself and walk away i don't care what the future holds 'cause i'm right here and i'm today with your fingers you can touch me i am your black swan, black swan (but i made it to the top, but i made it to the top) and this is fucked up, fucked up be a black swan, black swan and for spare parts, we're broken up you are fucked up fucked up this is fucked up fucked up we are black swans black swans I'm for spare parts broken up

大概是在中世紀 a medieval dream

男子說法語
我問他說英文嗎
挽著他的手

旅店的老板站在門前
老板的兒子爬到屋頂拉起鐵板門
我從樓上看下去一群騎士找不到我


**
the man spoke in french
i asked him if he spoke english
and put my hand on his arm

the innkeeper stood in front of the door
keeper's son went to the top of the house
pulling down the iron gate
i looked down and saw
a bunch of knights
not finding where i was

Black Swan

Black Swan
2010 Darren Aronofsky

我看得到的很淺白，所以雖然在意妮娜所有面向壓抑的情感都由性還有情慾解放，以為或許只是因為性是最直接解放的方法，對於電影裡幾個細碎的橋段和線索，也只能覺得有點困惑而沒有理出頭緒，直到看了以mother-daughter sexual abuse解讀妮娜和媽媽的關係後，我的疑惑才都有了解釋，也才發現可能真正想說的故事是這樣的駭人。

電影唯一可以讓人發笑的，對我來說，是妮娜的手機響起天鵝湖音樂。

my first alice

"At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying down upon her"

**
after having some chat with the caterpillar, i got my first alice card!

neato

"You seem like a really neato person!"






it's a huge compliment to me! (grin)

**
neato: a cool little word that is very enjoyable to say. neato can mean "wow, that was really cool!" or "awesome." (from urban dictionary)

i like my role in the dream

反派的角色叫尼寇
金髮粉紅衣的女生
專門偷動物園裡的小孩
妹妹在我後面
我告訴他的手下我已經看穿他的計謀了

**
the villain was called nicole
a blonde pink-dressed girl
always stole kids from the zoo
i hid my sis behind me
and told her man i had seen through her trick

i thought of eva cassidy

我說我們到頂樓去說
木頭的地板擺著一張青蘋果綠的沙發
我拉開窗簾
陽光照進來一整個房間發亮
我低下頭發現金色毛髮的貓在腳旁吃麵包屑

男子換上古怪的服裝
說著一長串快速的我聽不懂的外來語
好像是情話
他之前環著我的肩

我想到eva cassidy這個名字然後醒來


**
i said let's go to the room
a sofa set on the wooden floor, beautiful apple green
i drew the curtain
everywhere in the room full of shinning daylight
then i lowered my head
and found a cat eating breadcrumbs beside me

he was in a weird funny costume
talking too fast to understand
it seemed to be a love confession
he had embraced my shoulder

i thought of "eva cassidy" and then woke up

想像

「啪嚓」一聲就完完全全消失不見了。

蘇三起解

「蘇三離了洪桐縣
將身來在大街前
未曾開言我心內慘
過往的君子聽我言
哪一位去往南京轉
與我那三郎把信傳
言說蘇三把命斷
來生變犬馬我當報還」

舊樓房

那房子有魔法，一踏進，回憶就像藤蔓爬滿整個房子。
The house has magic; memory grows every place I step in, everywhere I touch on.