last summer

在春霧散去的那夜，美麗的夢的盡頭，我勇敢地朝山谷向下跳，向下掉，跌入我從未想像的世界，追尋我從未看見的邦尼。沒有夥伴的夜裡，我大口大口吞下惡魔果實，希望能長出蛇形長頸，生出巨獸雙臂，以對抗飛舞的他們，卻不知道我吞下的只是平凡的果子。（而我親愛的獸你到哪裡去了？）於是只能撿拾凍結的時間片段，烹煮遺留的夢，餵食解渴，強壯力量，在耳朵逐漸退化，聽不見你們聲音的這裡。





但這是一段殘酷得很美麗的日子。






我不知道我是否有出走的機會，我更不知道我是不是必須離開。我所能做的，就只是一直走下去，一直走下去，直到哪一天走不動了。

and you'll know one day, through the looking-glass, fake can just be true.

blonde redhead / misery is a butterfly

紛擾的耳語都隱沒在嘈雜的樂音裡，我不需要冠冕堂皇的字眼、矯情的安慰。夢與記憶的一切已經不重要，時間己經凍結在去年夏天前的花園，空氣留有翅膀的哭聲。沒有什麼訊息要傳遞的，更沒有什麼「你要把你從自己的世界拯救出來。」的使命。凝聚成形的、必須與之對抗的即是那些飛舞的蝶與影。美麗的醜陋的你們他們，我張開雙眼watch, swallow, and then grow up.

「不能畏懼。」我這樣告訴自己。








Misery is a butterfly

Dearest Jane I should’ve known better
But I couldn’t say hello, I didn’t know why
But now I think, I think you were sad
Yes you were, you were, you were

What I say, I say only to you
Cause I love and I love only you
Dearest Jane, I want to give you a dream
That no one has given you

Remember when we found misery
We watched her, watched her spread her wings
And slowly fly around our room
And she asked for your gentle mind

Misery is a butterfly
Her heavy wings will warp your mind
With her small ugly face
And her long antenna
And her black and pink heavy wings

Remember when we found misery
We watched her, watched her spread her wings
And slowly fly around our room
And she asked for your gentle mind

show me spring

於是我只能茁壯那些想望，以對拒不斷巨大並且逼近的你們他們。佛羅里達、女孩、蒼穹、山崖、春霧、淚水、鮮血，我用雙手轉動搗桿，巫自己的藥，巫自己的毒。不等待海妖了，在這片森林，我自己巫毒。巫，毒。






i am not giving myself to anybody.