大裂

是荒原的生肉，腥的。

想看清楚

樓梯上下
轉角有床
我想看清楚牆上的字

房間在播絲絨金礦

窗外天色大好
藍的天綠的樹
我想拍照

小孩湊過來貼著
是阿嬤的心頭好

you watch them

you watch them passing by
you watch them all
you cant catch anything
not a single thing

you watch them
to the end
to the beginning

地震後

1.
"Hmm. Now I feel as if I've come a very long way," Komura answered honestly.
"But really," she said, "you're just at the beginning."


2.
"The iron is not an iron?"
"That's right."
"Meaning it stands for something else?"
"Probably."
"Meaning you can paint it only if you use something else to stand for it?"
Miyake nodded in silence.


3.
Our hearts are not stones. A stone may disintegrate in time and lose its outward form. But hearts never disintegrate. They have no outward form, and whether good or evil, we can always communicate them to one another. All God's children can dance.


4.
Living and dying are, in a sense, of equal value.


5.
What you see with your eyes is not necessarily real.


6.
Eyes fixed on the hands of the wall clock, Junpei thought about the rest of the story for Sala - the tale of Masakichi and Tonkichi. He had to find a way out. He couldn't just leave Tonkichi stranded in the zoo. He had to save him.


讀短篇時常是跳著讀，讀地震後是順著讀，剛好順著讀才讀出微妙的安排。

remove the labels

removing the labels, they are nothing but merely themselves.

東京日和

荒木經惟在陽子死後持續拍已經變成廢墟的陽台；媽媽腳不便行走那段時間，每天在陽台曬衣澆花，我也拍了很多陽台和花，我不要陽台變成廢墟我要花都好好。結果一盆盆蘭花差點被我澆水澆到爛。

一張張看來非常路人拍照的尋常街景，承載旁人無動於衷的個人情感，可是這些尋常街景也只有承載了個人情感才得以被拍下。

所有拍照拍的都是心中風景。

荒木經惟說他的攝影人生是從和陽子相遇開始，而我對荒木經惟的認識是從陽子開始。

日落公園

1.
Ellen Brice說他拜訪他妹妹，Ellen抱著他兩個出生兩個月大的雙胞胎姪兒，柔軟的肌膚，臉頰和脖子觸碰他們圓嫩光滑的身子，他手心和手臂感受他們小小的身體，他說他想起這個語詞：the strangeness of being alive。

the strangeness of being alive，某程度來說這根本是今年大半日子的暗喻。我牽起媽媽的手，牽起小孩的手，摸著阿忍的頭，一天又一天朝著看起來什麼都沒有的爛泥盆澆水。

看起來什麼都沒有的爛泥盆在某個夏日冒出了短小的綠色的芽。

是伸出來讓你牽讓你觸碰的那些讓人覺得活。

the human body needs to be touched; the human body has skin


2.
"You listened in silence. No words were available to you anymore. All the years of not knowing, and now this, the sheer benality of it, an adolescent spat between stepbrothers, and all the damage that ensued from that push. So many things became clearer to you after the boy's confession. His savage withdrawal into himself, the escape from his own life, the punishing blue-collar jobs as a form if penance, more than a decade in hell because one moment of anger. Can he be forgiven? You couldn't get the word out of your mouth tonight, but at least you had the sense to take him in your arms and hold him. More to the point: is there anything that needs to be forgiven? Probably not. But still, he must be forgiven."

你說不出原諒，可是他得被原諒。

起了霧

折得小小
小小小小的

你在起了霧的窗寫自己的名

有找到嗎

1.
我們在高台看婚禮
我為陌生人流淚
風很大
我穿綠色洋裝
風吹落台上物品

我們要撿掉落的物
走了很長的路

回頭遇見婚禮的人
我們問他找到掉落的物了嗎
他說有
那那個呢有找到嗎
他說有
伸手一顆青綠大蘋果

2.
樓梯口有蛇
張開口就朝我噴毒液
青綠色腳趾
他叫我大叫
我大叫
大聲地叫
要把心叫出來一樣地大叫

鬧鈴響了我醒來
夢裡的我還在叫



--
讀完neil gaiman暗黑白雪後的白日夢

walk a little faster

"pretending that we'll meet
each time i turn a corner, i walk a little faster"

冷酷異境

冷酷異境的一切十分迷人，獸、牆、夢讀、影子、煙、雪、坑洞、手風琴，冷冽的安靜的，當作意象來讀，當作隱喻來讀。

切掉影子的時候我哭，拖著影子逃的時候哭，決定要跟影子分開的時候也哭，可能映著自己割捨不掉影子的矛盾情懷，是部分的自己。

高中時讀到獸的意象好奇又驚豔，那金色的陽光灑在獸的皮毛的光景，從那之後，模模糊糊的什麼的獸也在心底深深慢慢地長大成形，你看不清晰牠的模樣，可是你知道牠可能在那，你知道牠是你自己，又不是你自己。

可是怎麼沒有接著把小說讀完呢，那時候正忙著往那什麼都沒有的地方發了狂地跑去吶。翻了中文版的書皮，那是十七年前買的書了，我竟然過了怎麼多年才讀。

以為主角會就和影子回到現實，可是他選擇留在是死亡又是永恆的世界裡。他有自信能回想起過往，可是影子說他不過"are sealed inside yourself"。想要幫主角辯駁些什麼，可是說不出什麼。






--
"Long after the Pool has swallowed my shadow, I stand staring at the water, until not a ripple remains. The water is as tranquil and blue as the eyes of the beasts. I am alone at the furthest periphery of existnce. Here the world expires and is still.

I ran away from the Pool and began to walk back. On the far side of the Western Hill is the Town. I know she waits for me in the Library with the accordion.

Through the driving snow, I see a single white bird take flight. The bird wings over the Wall and into the flurried clouds of the southern sky. All that is left to me is the sound of the snow underfoot."