not enough

billowing out to somewhere
but where?
where are you going?
poor little girl
where are you going?

you say you are ready
do you think you are really ready?
i mean "really ready", understand?
really ready with stressed syllables


not enough
not enough
what you're holding is not enough
support your point
with sufficient evidence
not enough
not enough
naive cant be a reason
can never be a reason
try to try harder isn't enough
even try to try harder and harder is still not enough
how much harder are you gonna try
campared with other who don't even have to try hard


iieee
iieee
wanna scream in the cathedral
really? i thought you've lost the strength to scream
can you scream, still?

not feel sad
no
just feel lost
not feel sad



you think you are already on the other side of the galaxy
huh
you think you are already on the other side of the galaxy, huh


wake up, poor girl
wake up
find a different ending
find a different way
before it's too late
before you cant even bear more

open your eye, open your eye
time is up, open your eye


when piano try to be guitar
even try
harder and harder
still not enough
piano may not be the worse
guitar may not be the better
so just accept to be what you are
piano doesn't have to be guitar
piano doesn't have to be guitar


but i know it's hard
to walk away
to open your eye
i know it's hard

there's too much not enough
too much, too much
i know, i know
i know all of this
i know all of this
but maybe it's time for you to choose another way
to choose somewhere suitable for you
maybe it's time
maybe
'cause i know all of this not enough
i know
i know


and then where are you going
poor little girl
where are you going
where are you going

Blade Runner

Blade Runner
1982
Ridley Scott
Philip K. Dick (novel "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?")
Hampton Fancher & David Peoples

Harrison Ford
Rutger Hauer
Sean Young
Daryl Hannah



高度發展的機器科技，複製的技術，模糊了真實與虛構的界線。複製人、 複製動物充斥的世界，真實的與複製的已經無法從外表直接分辨。而到駭 客任務另類的cyberpunk 假想，虛擬實境已是全然地弄假成真了。

既然「真實」的概念在電腦機器世界已經不可靠，「歷史」的概念同樣也 不可靠。複製人雖然可以講述過去記憶，但重建的卻永遠不是自己的主體， 述說的也永遠不是自己的過去，重建的只不過是被殖入輸入的記憶，是 假的，是虛構的。記憶何等重要阿，悟。Dark City 裡也講了類似的概念： when memory is made up, you have only false past. 於是當看到瑞秋 發現自己守護的與母親的照片與過去記憶如此不堪一擊時，不覺得不捨嗎？ 機器人甚至比人類更珍惜他們的記憶阿。即使是破碎的片片過去，即使是 虛構的碎弱。



看不到西方文化符碼的未來世界，2019年天使之城充斥的是東方人種及符 號，殘存的西方文化符號大概就是那令人忍不住發笑的可口可樂電子廣告 了吧。老是下著雨，潮溼灰暗，雜亂擁擠的未來，陰鬱的氛圍在日本歌伎 飄渺陌生的歌聲飄散不去。歌伎的影像與歌聲散播在整個城市，似是宗教 性質般的安慰力量，又像是反映了城市的疏離與孤寂啊。


而唯一能逃離這灰暗的似乎只有如同幻化為白鴿飛去的羅伊吧。純潔的白， 美麗驚心的飛翔。是逃離嗎這樣的方式和最終，竟是熱愛生命卻被迫結束 生命的複製機器人。羅伊還不是救了戴克，在他體驗了複製人無時在體驗 的死亡的恐懼後，因為他沒有比那時候更熱愛生命了，在臨死前。

羅伊最後口讀的詩句真是動人又令人不捨：
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser Gate.
All those...moments will be lost...in time.
Like...tears...in rain.
Time...to die.


而人類呢？與其說是人類對死亡的恐懼，我想到是人類被複製人機器人取 代或淘汰的恐慌。人類扮演上帝的角色，以權力者的姿態創造出機器人， 作為生產、奴役的工具（又人類與機器人的關係似是階級關係重於種族關 係）。人類行權力掌控，以外星殖民、奴隸，有限生存年數作為控制策略。 然而複製機器人的能力似乎總是比人類來得強大完美，一旦威脅到人類的 生存，人類勢必趕盡殺絕，即使電影裡的複製機器人其實也沒有想要殺害 人類阿。

所以說humanity人性該怎麼來談呢？似乎複製人機器人是成為暴露或侵蝕 人性的物體了。AI裡的機器人屠殺遊樂場景，是那麼觸目驚心的阿。son kills father其實來得容易的耶不是嗎，只要機器人變成了人類。


反思還是恐慌？科幻小說、電影成真的可能還有多遠？

against interpretation

"against interpretation"
is it possible?

問題是詮釋的行使者總是別人啊
and human beings are so anxious about things they don't "understand."
thus we always try to impose meaning on things, to make the "unknown" "knowable."

impossible
一旦閱聽者行閱聽的動作，就有詮釋出現

於是閱讀者的參與，也成為極重要甚至是超越原創者的重要
在填補、再創意義方面，即使那些詮釋有強加意義的可能

how close

condensation/ metaphor
replacement/ metonymy

於是是不是不必執著單一的解釋呢關於夢境
不知名的地點、不熟識的朋友同學、莫名出現的陌生人...
我可以試圖解釋理解以外的那些
都是big picture底下的比喻換喻
理所當然的漂浮
那要如何往回找足跡的最初呢
那不是那麼理所當然的比喻換喻再現的潛意識

and how to decipher the hidden unconsciousness by garbled images
when we always forget the more significant part of our dreams?

how close can we come close?

Adaptation.

Adaptation.
2002
Spike Jonze
Susan Orlean (book)
Charlie and Donald Kaufman (screenplay)

Nicolas Cage
Meryl Streep
Chris Cooper

鬼才查理可夫曼真是鬼才
很精彩、很聰明的劇本
a pretty smart trick
making the audience willing to enjoy the joke/play

整部電影是kaufman利用編劇自我嘲諷、戲耍的創意平台
穿插變腦及蘇珊歐琳的蘭花賊互為文本
追蹤報導蘇珊歐琳及約翰互動相處的記錄，含糊與劇情片的界線
電影kaufman兄弟與現實kaufman兄（和弟）重疊和獨立、虛構的現實的關係
加以後設的概念（illustrate劇本改寫、編劇家的生活、好萊塢生態）
解構的概念（急轉直下的劇情發展：sex, guns and car chases, characrers learing profound life lessons or growing or coming to like each other or overcome obstacles to succeed in the end)
（插：覺得裡頭deconstruction的笑話高明得蠻好笑耶;D）
還有精神分裂（或許也反映/調侃已成模式化的電影類型）
真是創意十足
而最瘋狂好笑大概是最後字幕跑完那位唐諾可夫曼先生劇本的引用了哈




Chris Cooper飾演的角色實在吸引人
全然投注熱情的容顏舉手投足這樣迷人
難怪蘇珊歐琳角色的口白也動人：
"I suppose i do have one unembarrassed passion.
I want to know how it to feel about something passionately."

but also dont forget what she said when finding the flower.
"it's just a flower," she said, " John, it's just a flower."


而鬼才編劇的角色當然也得由禿頭鬼才來演才精彩
凱吉先生真是棒阿可夫曼兄弟！



有趣的片子:D

Paris, Texas (dialogues)

scene 95
Coffee Shop" Booth - Interior evening

(sources: "Paris, Texas" - Script, photos and credits - ROAD MOVIES/GRENO - 1984
website: http://perso.wanadoo.fr/forban/pages/eng/script2.htm)


Once again, Travis is sitting in one of the peepshow booths in front of the mirror that becomes a window as Jane comes through the door and switches on the light. This room is decorated like an American coffee shop. Today, Jane is wearing a short black dress. She seems to be in the same happy mood she was the day before.

JANE
Howdy.

TRAVIS
Howdy.

Jane sits down on the bar stool next to the "counter".

TRAVIS
Can I tell you something?

JANE
Sure. Anything you like.

TRAVIS
It's kind of a long story.

JANE
I got plenty of time.

Jane may possibly have recognized the voice of yesterday's visitor, but she doesn't show it. Travis takes his chair and turns it around so that he is sitting with his back to the window. Jane, of course, is not aware of this. Now neither of them can see the other.

TRAVIS
I knew these people...

JANE
What people?

TRAVIS
These two people. They were in love with each other. The girl was... very young, about seventeen or eighteen, I guess. And the guy was... quite a bit older. He was kind of raggedy and wild. And she was very beautiful, you know?

JANE
Yeah.

TRAVIS
And together, they turned everything into a kind of adventure, and she liked that. Just an ordinary trip down to the grocery store was full of adventure. They were always laughing at stupid things. He liked to make her laugh. And they didn't much care for anything else because all they wanted to do was to be with each other. They were always together.

JANE
Sounds like they were very happy.

TRAVIS
Yes, they were. They were real happy. And he... he loved her more than he ever felt possible. He couldn't stand being away from her during the day when he went to work... so he'd quit. Just to be at home with her. Then he'd get another job when the money ran out, and then he'd quit again. But pretty soon, she started to worry.

JANE
About what?

TRAVIS
Money, I guess. Not having enough. Not knowing when the next check was coming in.

JANE (rit)
I know that feeling.

TRAVIS
So he started to get kind of... torn inside.

JANE
How do you mean?

TRAVIS
Well, he knew he had to work to support her, but he couldn't stand being away from her, either.

JANE
I see.

TRAVIS
And the more he was away from her, the crazier he got. Except now, he went really crazy. He started imagining all kinds of things.

JANE
Like what?

TRAVIS
He started thinking that she was seeing other men on the sly. He'd come home from work and accuse her of spending the day with somebody else. Then he'd yell at her and start smashing things in the trailer.

Jane is suddenly very startled. Perhaps, deep down, she knew all along that it was Travis who was talking to her. But now she is sure.

JANE
The trailer?

There is a long pause in the conversation. Travis is also not sure whether he hasn't betrayed himself, and whether he can continue to tell the story in the same way.

TRAVIS
Yes, they were living in a trailer home.

Jane allows him te preserve his anonymity.

JANE
Excuse me, sir, but were you in to visit me the other day? I don't mean to pry.

TRAVIS
No.

JANE
Oh, I thought I recognized your voice for a minute.

TRAVIS
No, it wasn't me.

JANE
Uhm. Please go on.

She plays her part well. Travis smiles.

TRAVIS
Anyway, he started to drink real bad. And he'd stay out late to test her.

JANE
What do you mean, "test her" ?

TRAVIS
To see if she'd get jealous.

Jane has to laugh at that.

JANE
Huh! Uhuh.

TRAVIS
He wanted her to get jealous, but she didn't. She was just worried about him, but that got him even madder.

JANE
Why?

TRAVIS
Because he thought that, if she'd never get jealous of him, she didn't really care about him. Jealousy was a sign of her love for him. And then, one night... one night, she told him she was pregnant. She was about three or four months pregnant, and he didn't even know. And then, suddenly, everything changed. He stopped drinking and got a steady job. He was convinced that she loved him now because she was carrying his child. And he was going to dedicate himself to making a home for her. But then a funny thing started to happen.

JANE
What?

TRAVIS
He didn't even notice it at first. She started to change. From the day the baby was born, she began to get irritated with everything around her. She got mad at everything. Even the baby seemed to be an injustice to her. He kept trying to make everything all right for her. Buy her things. Take her out to dinner once a week. But nothing seemed to satisfy her. For two years he struggled to pull them back together like they were when they first met, but finally he knew that it was never going to work out. So he hit the bottle again. But this time it got... mean. This time, when he came home late at night, drunk, she wasn't worried about him, or jealous, she was just enraged. She accused him of holding her captive by making her have a baby. She told him that she dreamed about escaping. That was all she dreamed about: escape. She saw herself at night running naked down a highway, running across fields, running down riverbeds, always running. And always, just when she was about to get away, he'd be there. He would stop her somehow. He would just appear and stop her. And when she told him these dreams, he believed them. He knew she had to be stopped or she'd leave him forever. So he ned a cow bell to her ankle so he could hear her at night if she tried to get out of bed. But she learned how to muffle the bell by stuffing a sock into it, and inching her way out of the bed and into the night. He caught her one night when the sock fell out and he heard her trying to run to the highway. He caught her and dragged her back to the trailer, and tied her to the stove with his belt.

During the course of his story, Jane cries. The tears roll down her face.

TRAVIS
He just left her there and went back to bed and lay there listening to her scream. And he listened to his son scream, and he was surprised at himself because he didn't feel anything anymore. All he wanted to do was sleep. And for the first time, he wished he were far away. Lost in a deep, vast country where nobody knew him. Somewhere without language or streets. He dreamed about this place without knowing its name. And when he woke up, he was on fire. There were blue flames burning the sheets of his bed. He ran through the flames toward the only two people he loved.... but they were gone. His arms were burning, and he threw himself outside and rolled on the wet ground. Then he ran. He never looked back at the fire. He just ran. He ran until the sun came up and he couldn't run any further. And when the sun went down, he ran again. For five days he ran like this until every sign of man had disappeared.

Jane slowly sits up, wipes the tears from her face, then stands up and walks over to the mirror. She kneels down in front of it and places her hands on the glass.

JANE
Travis?

Right until the end, Travis had been speaking with his back to the window. Now, as he hears his name, he turns around to Jane who is right in front of him with her face pressed against the glass. He shifts his chair so that they are face to face. His features are reflected in hers.

TRAVIS
If you turn off the light in there, will you be able to see me?

JANE
I don't know. I never tried.

She gets up, walks to the door and switches off the light. Travis turns the table lamp so that it shines directly on his face. It works: the mirror reverses, and now Jane can see him, while Travis can only see himself. Jane kneels down in front of her window again.

TRAVIS
Can you see me?

JANE
Yes.

TRAVIS
Do you recognize me?

JANE
Oh, Travis.

TRAVIS
I brought Hunter with me...

Jane leans back, stunned. She is at a loss for words.

TRAVIS
Don't you want to see him ?

JANE
I wanted to see him so bad that I didn't even dare imagine him anymore. Anne kept sending me pictures of him until I asked her to stop. I couldn't stand the pain of seeing him grow up and missing it.

TRAVIS
Why didn't you keep him with you, Jane?

JANE
I couldn't, Travis. I didn't have what I knew he needed. And I didn't want to use him to fill up all my emptiness.

TRAVIS
Well, he needs you now, Jane. And he wants to see you.

JANE
He does?

TRAVIS
Yes. He's waiting for you.

JANE
Where?

TRAVIS
Downtown. In a hotel, The Meridian. Room 1520... 1520.

He starts to replace the receiver. Startled, Jane gets to her feet.

JANE
You're not going, are you? She pounds against the window with both fists.

Travis raises the receiver again. A long pause follows.

TRAVIS
I can't see you, Jane.

JANE
Don't go yet. Don't go yet!

She picks up the little loudspeaker from which Travis' voice emerges, and sits down with her back to the window like Travis did before.

JANE
I... I used to make long speeches to you after you left. I used to talk to you all the time, even though I was alone. I walked around for months talking to you. Now I don't know what to say. It was easier when I just imagined you. I even imagined you talking back to me. We'd have long conversations, the two of us. lt was almost like you were there. I could hear you, I could see you, smell you. I could hear your voice. Sometimes your voice would wake me up. It would wake me up in the middle of the night, just like you were in the room with me. Then... it slowly faded. I couldn't picture you anymore. I tried to talk out loud to you like I used to, but there was nothing there. I couldn't hear you. Then... I just gave it up. Everything stopped. You just... disappeared. And now I'm working here. I hear your voice all the time. Every man has your voice.

TRAVIS
l'll tell Hunter that you're coming.

JANE
Travis?

TRAVIS
What?

JANE
l'll be there.

TRAVIS
Good.

JANE
Meridian Hotel?

TRAVIS
Yeah. Room 1520.

He hangs up the receiver - this time for good - and leaves quickly. Jane remains seated for a long time with her head resting on the loudspeaker. Then she gets up, switches the light back on, and leaves the room. Only the mirror remains.

new layout (version3: SpringHaze w/ Datura)

o喔，最近非常迷戀spring haze & datura :D
每天都要一直聽一直聽

只是弄出來的感覺好像不是原本想要的感覺哈，完全沒有煙霧迷漫的飄渺呀。
thing's a little bit out of control,
but i like the way it ended up.

"certain these clouds go somewhere, billowing out to somewhere,"
and i think i'm ready to go somewhere now
with spring haze this time.




---
in the garden,
with haze so heavy
and evening so slow,
susanna slept.

someone walked toward her,
a thief,
dropping those words
"are you such a dreamer,"
and then walked away
with dew drops
stolen from the tip of the star.

the thief tripped her with a smile,
and she fall off
from divided canaan.
before she hit the ground,
the stars stretched their tips
embracing susanna in the arms.

even stars tried tender,
blood were dripping from her finger.
she touched the stars
catching the dew drops
"that's ok," she said,
giving them a smile.

stars smiled.

susanna rose up
and left
when she heard the singing of the siren
with stars in her hand


it's morning,
and susanna's ready
to get melted and go somewhere
in a sun day morning.

The English Patient

The English Patient
1997
Anthony Minghella
Michael Ondaatje (novel)
Anthony Minghella (screenplay)

Ralph Fiennes
Juliette Binoche
Willem Dafoe
Kristin Scott Thomas
Naveen Andrews

如何在一個路過的足跡隨時都被沙暴抹去，無法往回追溯痕跡的空間寫下歷史呢？或許在似乎什麼都無法留下的沙漠空間，能留下些什麼的最好方法就是愛情故事吧。

而過往歷史和空間，即是在the english patient 於現在空間講述的故事裡重建。在昏暗的房間裡，娓娓道來的細語，連同夾雜在_Herodotus_ 書本裡的照片、書寫字跡、洞穴壁畫的圖片、自己和愛人曾經碰觸留下的指紋，甚至還有另一個空間遺留下來的幾顆沙粒，填補了完整了再現了過往。是歷史的記錄，也是愛情的記憶。

在一望無際浩瀚的沙漠裡，男人和女人的愛情就像水，就像綠洲。

而對一個沒有名字，幾乎看不見五官臉龐，全身燒傷的人來說，敘述過去記憶的過程就是在重建自己的主體。（the english patient 才不是什麼英倫情人咧。）everything in the past is part of who he is. and for someone who is nameless and almost faceless, the past may be everything of who he is.

he's tracing back through the memory of the past.

而patient 過去的故事是愛情故事呢，但卻也是感傷的故事。但有不經過感傷的愛情故事嗎？猜忌和誤會為何得在最後一刻才能知曉對方的心意才能真相大白呢？可final compromise 還是必須的，不然我以為會更傷心，雖然曾經緊緊圍抱住愛人身體的手臂還能抓得住什麼留得住什麼呢？在一切的最終。凱撒琳是如何度過在只有手電筒微弱光線的洞穴裡呢？在等待愛人回來救她的獨自一人的漫漫長夜呢？當生命也沒有了，大概就只剩下回憶，還有故事吧。

失去愛人燒傷了的病人、失去手指的小偷，還有失去父親的護士，this is "a room full of the wounded."。每個人都有自己的傷痛。而各自的創傷即是形塑各自的獨特。被遺忘了的廢棄的中古修道院就是他們的療養所，在這裡講述著各自的過去、故事，在這裡療傷。

只是故事講完了，終得離開的。電影的最後大家都離開了，只剩下故事。



--

電影安排負責拆除地雷炸彈的印度人和漢娜到教堂看壁畫那場戲真是浪漫喔∼
一個似乎沒有傷痛沒有創傷，來這裡替英國人拆除炸彈的第三世界的士兵，是裡面最健康的人。

還有愛情故事部分好像其實還是蠻通俗的;p
還看過非常嚴厲的批評喔喔喔
but i still cried tears when Almasy carries Katharine out of the Cave of the Swimmers, :~
which seems like a stupid scene for some people huh. :p
i just like the way the story is told, the color and the slow pace. :)

feel happier

less sentimental (but still cry at a good film)
more nonsense
make your ears comfortable
be familiar with losing something everyday
the ability of pretending not to know something
find the truth before it's too late
if not, drown yourself in the lies
do not die at 27 (unless you're a rock star)
run as far as your legs can carry you (no car or motocycle allowed)
love your family and friends (but not your neighbor)
watch the sky now and then
be brave to taste sugar
keep your monkey alive and speaking
dont hurt yourself with no fear
regular sleeping time before 1 a.m. (your body has the right to dream)note: impossible :Q
choose cigarette carefully as choose a lover
do not be a cornflake girl
dump your lover before s/he dumps you
do not be a judgemental asshole
feel free to say the f word (don't swallow it, for health's sake)
do not be a vegetarian (you know sometimes you're nothing but meat)
do not grow datura in your garden
still sing with redhead siren
still kisses with saliva
remeber the warmth of spring haze
billowing out
like a cloud
in a dream
waiting
on a sunday
to drown










note:
1) supplement the list whenver feel happier
2) two pieces of words("still cry at a good flim" and "still kisses with saliva") are from "Fitter Happier."
3) also mixed with voices of redhead siren

lose

mama told me yesterday:
"be familiar with losing something everyday."
we were born to lose
'cause many things were born to be lost:
colors of the childhood dreams,
exist music after a film,
your name in a foreign country,
lover's kisses in the morning...
so just obey the rules;
practice the acts.
it's not a big deal;
it's no surprise.
we were just born to lose.
unless you got nothing owned,
you got things to lose.



March 9, 2004