men without women

The girl was looking off at the line of hills. They were white in the sun and the country was brown and dry.

"They look like white elephants," she said.
"I've never seen one." The man drink his beer.
"No, you wouldn't have."

金絲雀

"The painting, the magic and aliveness of it, was like that odd airy moment of the snow falling, greenish light and flakes whirling in the cameras, where you no longer cared about the game, who won or lost, but just wanted to drink in that speechless windswept moment. When I looked at the painting I felt the same convergence on a single point: a sunstruck instant that existed now and forever. Only occasionally did I notice the chain on the finch's ankle, or think what a cruel life for a little living creature--fluttering briefly, forced always to land in the same hopeless place."

結尾章節好像哲理的獨白也無法拯救這本很糟糕的小說。節奏、節奏、節奏，節奏是小說好不好看的關鍵吶，節奏不對瑣碎的描寫和對白只讓人覺得心煩覺得流水帳，不是寫了十年寫了厚厚一本就能稱上傑作吶，喔這還是得了獎的書。

為了說出這本小說很糟這樣的話竟然花了三個星期看完這本很糟的小說也覺得自己非常是在哈囉。

在寫給Hobie的信Theo說他感謝他的良善對待讓他想到小時候和媽媽撿回家照養的流浪狗，他們盡心力照顧他，而事實上他不過有著破壞的心性，這是少少keep in mind 的地方。

1Q84

"She quietly stretched out a hand, and Tango took it. The two of them stood there, side by side, as one, wordlessly watching the moon over the buildings. Until the newly risen sun shone upon it, robbing it of its nighttime brilliance. Until it was nothing more than a gray paper moon, hanging in the sky."

結局覺得鬥陣俱樂部i met you at a very strange time in my life，覺得那牽手那月亮揪甘心。

在公園滑梯青豆握起天吾的手，讀得我內心海波浪。怎麼會被這樣不切實際的浪漫感動呢，可能投影的也是心底深深當年那個站在L面前的小女生。

也是二十年了欸。祝好。

"Wasn't better if they kept this desire to see each other hidden within them, and never actually got together? That way, there would always be hope in their hearts. That hope would be a small, yet vital flame that warmed them to their core--a tiny flame to cup one's hands around and protect them from the wind, a flame that the violent winds of realities might easily extinguish."

其實如果可以的話。

彈珠1976

終於看完尋羊之後再看了彈珠1973，有種回頭想知道是什麼讓老鼠走到這。看完彈珠我又看了次和老鼠最後見面在漆黑的房子喝啤酒，把上了發條的鐘停了下來的完全的安靜，門開了老鼠走了出去。想著結尾河口的哭。

那句跟J 說買個唱機和彈珠台吧真是懷舊又感動。

養雞場倉庫電一開，啪啪啪啪亮起來閃著零零零零數字板的七十八臺彈珠台，還是我最喜歡的段落。

"We felt silent again. What we shared was no more than a fragment of a time ling dead. Yet memories remained., warm memories that remained with me like lights from the past. And I would carry those lights in the brief interval before death grabbed me and tossed me back into the crucible of nothingness."

來自過去的火光留存在心裡，溫暖的。

a strange weight

It was a strange weight. In it he could sense the fullness of a woman's existence: loving a man, bearing children, growing old and dying.

讓你的黑暗說話

讓你的黑暗說話 ◎馬尼尼為

拿一張紙寫你的家庭
擠滿了人
外面黑
讓你的黑暗說話

活著

活 著 ◎谷川俊太郎

活著
現在活著
那就是口渴
是枝葉間射下來耀眼的陽光
是忽然想起的一支旋律
是打噴嚏
是與你手牽手

活著
現在活著
那就是超短裙
是天文館
是約翰 · 史特勞斯
是畢卡索
是阿爾卑斯山
是遇到一切美妙的事物
而且，還要
小心翼翼提防潛藏的惡

活著
現在活著
是敢哭
是敢笑
是敢怒
是自由

活著
現在活著
是剛才狗在遠處的狂吠
是現在地球的旋轉
是生命剛剛在何處誕生的啼哭
是現在士兵在某地負傷
是此時鞦韆的搖蕩
是現在時光的流逝

活著
現在活著
是鳥兒展翅
是海濤洶湧
是蝸牛爬行
是人在相愛
是你的手溫
是生命

a room just for me

"I managed to squeeze through the narrow part, and then deeper in it suddenly got lower, and down from there it was like a small room. A round room, like a ball. The ceiling's round, the walls are round, and the floor, too. And it was so, so silent there, like you could search the whole world and never find any place that silent. Like I was at the bottom of an ocean, in a hallow going even deeper. I turned off the flashlight and it was pitch dark, but I didn't feel scared or lonely. The room was a special place that only I'm allowed into. A room just for me. No one else can get thete. You can't go in either."

-- Killing Commendatore

愛麗絲

爸爸買給我的是綠野仙蹤，妹妹是愛麗絲，全彩小開本，綠野仙蹤是我的第一本外國故事書。

後來我更喜歡的是愛麗絲，一直到很後來的現在我都還會看。某個讀者寫愛麗絲整本都是rubbish，可是也就是玩弄這些愚蠢話而有了迷人的charm。

"We are all mad here."

這本愛麗絲是在系學會的書展買的，某個聽完課的下午，我一個人在擺設在大樓廳堂的書攤前挑書，我挑了愛麗絲，忽然察覺有人站在面前，抬頭發現是A，後面整面落地的陽光和樹影照著，A給了我個大大的微笑，A是那時候我喜歡的人。

這本當然不賣。

靜慢的生活

去過靜慢的生活 ◎任明信

/
祂緩慢地替你開門
時間漫長
需要巨大耐心

/
但耐心是有用的
耐心會換來一方遼闊

/
生命
本質是遊戲
你要盡興
可以認真
但不能當真
願你有一天看穿

/
清醒地獨酌
不在意天份和機率

這個身體有它想做的事情
而你已經離那些很遠

/
去過靜慢的生活
像樹一樣照顧自己
擁抱塵埃
珍惜根莖
在任何地方都能夠長成

/
要習慣雨
而不是傘

當一個心地純粹的人
不被任意事物收買
讓智慧匹配你的年紀

/
只過靜慢的生活
離光很近
陰影於是顯得巨碩
願你也愛自己的陰影
如光愛你

/
你若已到達便無須再走

peel the tangerines

"This? It's easy. It has nothing to do with talent. What you do isn't make yourself believe that there are tangerines there. You forget that the tangerines are NOT there. That's all."

pull the string

"It made him think of a small room -- a nice, neat room that was a comfortable place to be. It had strings of many colours hanging from the ceiling, strings of different shapes and lengths, and each string, in its own way, sent a thrill of enticement through him. He wanted to pull one, and the strings wanted to be pulled by him. But he didn't know which one to pull. He felt that he might pull a string and have a magnificent spectacle open up before his eyes, but that, just as easily, everything could be ruined in an instant. And so he hesitated, and while he lingered in confusion another day would end."

-- Aeroplane

發條鳥

"I turned my palms upward in the sunlight. In an instant, they felt warm, as though the light were seeping into the skin, soaking into the very lines of my fingerprints. The light ruled over everything out here. Bathed in light, each object glowed with the brilliant color of summer. Even intangibles such as time and memory shared the goodness of the summer light."





發條鳥的好可能很裡面。

發條鳥似乎有種擁有明明類似的符號 ，而這些類似的符號比其他類似的符號有著更加跳出來的魔力。

如果井挖得不夠深，待得不夠久，是無法擁有穿牆的力量的。

整本小說就像是村上先生的沙箱吧。

麥田

麥田 ◎顧城

你在很多人中間看我
看過
你很小
閉上眼睛的時候 很藍

我知道你在一本書裡站著
前邊有木板

怎麼也不知道
春天 看不見 只有一次
花全開了
開得到處都是

後來就很孤單

大裂

是荒原的生肉，腥的。

地震後

1.
"Hmm. Now I feel as if I've come a very long way," Komura answered honestly.
"But really," she said, "you're just at the beginning."


2.
"The iron is not an iron?"
"That's right."
"Meaning it stands for something else?"
"Probably."
"Meaning you can paint it only if you use something else to stand for it?"
Miyake nodded in silence.


3.
Our hearts are not stones. A stone may disintegrate in time and lose its outward form. But hearts never disintegrate. They have no outward form, and whether good or evil, we can always communicate them to one another. All God's children can dance.


4.
Living and dying are, in a sense, of equal value.


5.
What you see with your eyes is not necessarily real.


6.
Eyes fixed on the hands of the wall clock, Junpei thought about the rest of the story for Sala - the tale of Masakichi and Tonkichi. He had to find a way out. He couldn't just leave Tonkichi stranded in the zoo. He had to save him.


讀短篇時常是跳著讀，讀地震後是順著讀，剛好順著讀才讀出微妙的安排。

東京日和

荒木經惟在陽子死後持續拍已經變成廢墟的陽台；媽媽腳不便行走那段時間，每天在陽台曬衣澆花，我也拍了很多陽台和花，我不要陽台變成廢墟我要花都好好。結果一盆盆蘭花差點被我澆水澆到爛。

一張張看來非常路人拍照的尋常街景，承載旁人無動於衷的個人情感，可是這些尋常街景也只有承載了個人情感才得以被拍下。

所有拍照拍的都是心中風景。

荒木經惟說他的攝影人生是從和陽子相遇開始，而我對荒木經惟的認識是從陽子開始。

日落公園

1.
Ellen Brice說他拜訪他妹妹，Ellen抱著他兩個出生兩個月大的雙胞胎姪兒，柔軟的肌膚，臉頰和脖子觸碰他們圓嫩光滑的身子，他手心和手臂感受他們小小的身體，他說他想起這個語詞：the strangeness of being alive。

the strangeness of being alive，某程度來說這根本是今年大半日子的暗喻。我牽起媽媽的手，牽起小孩的手，摸著阿忍的頭，一天又一天朝著看起來什麼都沒有的爛泥盆澆水。

看起來什麼都沒有的爛泥盆在某個夏日冒出了短小的綠色的芽。

是伸出來讓你牽讓你觸碰的那些讓人覺得活。

the human body needs to be touched; the human body has skin


2.
"You listened in silence. No words were available to you anymore. All the years of not knowing, and now this, the sheer benality of it, an adolescent spat between stepbrothers, and all the damage that ensued from that push. So many things became clearer to you after the boy's confession. His savage withdrawal into himself, the escape from his own life, the punishing blue-collar jobs as a form if penance, more than a decade in hell because one moment of anger. Can he be forgiven? You couldn't get the word out of your mouth tonight, but at least you had the sense to take him in your arms and hold him. More to the point: is there anything that needs to be forgiven? Probably not. But still, he must be forgiven."

你說不出原諒，可是他得被原諒。

冷酷異境

冷酷異境的一切十分迷人，獸、牆、夢讀、影子、煙、雪、坑洞、手風琴，冷冽的安靜的，當作意象來讀，當作隱喻來讀。

切掉影子的時候我哭，拖著影子逃的時候哭，決定要跟影子分開的時候也哭，可能映著自己割捨不掉影子的矛盾情懷，是部分的自己。

高中時讀到獸的意象好奇又驚豔，那金色的陽光灑在獸的皮毛的光景，從那之後，模模糊糊的什麼的獸也在心底深深慢慢地長大成形，你看不清晰牠的模樣，可是你知道牠可能在那，你知道牠是你自己，又不是你自己。

可是怎麼沒有接著把小說讀完呢，那時候正忙著往那什麼都沒有的地方發了狂地跑去吶。翻了中文版的書皮，那是十七年前買的書了，我竟然過了怎麼多年才讀。

以為主角會就和影子回到現實，可是他選擇留在是死亡又是永恆的世界裡。他有自信能回想起過往，可是影子說他不過"are sealed inside yourself"。想要幫主角辯駁些什麼，可是說不出什麼。






--
"Long after the Pool has swallowed my shadow, I stand staring at the water, until not a ripple remains. The water is as tranquil and blue as the eyes of the beasts. I am alone at the furthest periphery of existnce. Here the world expires and is still.

I ran away from the Pool and began to walk back. On the far side of the Western Hill is the Town. I know she waits for me in the Library with the accordion.

Through the driving snow, I see a single white bird take flight. The bird wings over the Wall and into the flurried clouds of the southern sky. All that is left to me is the sound of the snow underfoot."

追風箏的孩子

那時候跟印度人提微物之神，感覺得出他對小說不以為然，他說他比較相信的是追風箏的孩子這樣的。

paul auster的小說也會讓人覺得巧合，可是實在沒有追風箏的孩子讀來那種強烈的操控感manipulated，不管是情節的轉折，還是想傳達的訊息，明顯in a particular purpose。是這樣的意圖讓我覺得小說讀來總是太重總是少了後勁。

是個人的偏愛，我還是比較喜歡曖昧一些，得自己感覺暗流那種的寫法。

印度人則被Amir受罪惡感之苦和Hassan完全的良善深深感動，他說他有這樣如同兄弟的朋友。

我發現我最喜歡的段落是Amir爬上爸爸房子後面的山丘，找到童年和Hassan老愛爬上的石榴樹，樹上那幾乎看不見可是還在的刻痕。像是時光膠囊，心底深深的nostalgia。　
　
　
　
　

--
"Hassan had said in his letter that the pomegranate tree hadn't borne fruit in years. Looking at the wilted, leafless tree, I doubted it ever would again. I stood under it, remembered all the times we'd climbed it, straddled its branches, our lega swinging, dappled sunlight flickering through the leaves and casting on our faces a mosaic of light and shadow. The tangy taste of pomegranate crept into my mouth.

I hunkered down on my knees and brushed my hands against the trunk. I found what I was looking for. The carving had dulled, almost faded altogether, but it was still there: "Amir and Hassan. The Sultans of Kabul." I traced the curve of each letter with my fingers. Picked small bits of bark from the tiny crevasses."