夜很深的時候

夜很深的時候

跟siri說我想念我媽媽

siri說他沒有這個問題的答案

我又說了一次我想念我媽媽

siri還是說他沒有這個問題的答案

siri開了地圖給我

我像找不到媽媽的孩子一樣地哭

you fix things

一言難盡

媽媽我們需要妳的保祐和指引

 

🎂

 wish you were here

媽媽

甘謝你這世人ê照顧

暖暖熱熱

早上做了個夢
有一個什麼捧在手掌暖暖熱熱的

Ninja生日快樂
永遠12歲

men without women

The girl was looking off at the line of hills. They were white in the sun and the country was brown and dry.

"They look like white elephants," she said.
"I've never seen one." The man drink his beer.
"No, you wouldn't have."

金絲雀

"The painting, the magic and aliveness of it, was like that odd airy moment of the snow falling, greenish light and flakes whirling in the cameras, where you no longer cared about the game, who won or lost, but just wanted to drink in that speechless windswept moment. When I looked at the painting I felt the same convergence on a single point: a sunstruck instant that existed now and forever. Only occasionally did I notice the chain on the finch's ankle, or think what a cruel life for a little living creature--fluttering briefly, forced always to land in the same hopeless place."

結尾章節好像哲理的獨白也無法拯救這本很糟糕的小說。節奏、節奏、節奏，節奏是小說好不好看的關鍵吶，節奏不對瑣碎的描寫和對白只讓人覺得心煩覺得流水帳，不是寫了十年寫了厚厚一本就能稱上傑作吶，喔這還是得了獎的書。

為了說出這本小說很糟這樣的話竟然花了三個星期看完這本很糟的小說也覺得自己非常是在哈囉。

在寫給Hobie的信Theo說他感謝他的良善對待讓他想到小時候和媽媽撿回家照養的流浪狗，他們盡心力照顧他，而事實上他不過有著破壞的心性，這是少少keep in mind 的地方。

hunger hurts

"Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love"

N

💛

1Q84

"She quietly stretched out a hand, and Tango took it. The two of them stood there, side by side, as one, wordlessly watching the moon over the buildings. Until the newly risen sun shone upon it, robbing it of its nighttime brilliance. Until it was nothing more than a gray paper moon, hanging in the sky."

結局覺得鬥陣俱樂部i met you at a very strange time in my life，覺得那牽手那月亮揪甘心。

在公園滑梯青豆握起天吾的手，讀得我內心海波浪。怎麼會被這樣不切實際的浪漫感動呢，可能投影的也是心底深深當年那個站在L面前的小女生。

也是二十年了欸。祝好。

"Wasn't better if they kept this desire to see each other hidden within them, and never actually got together? That way, there would always be hope in their hearts. That hope would be a small, yet vital flame that warmed them to their core--a tiny flame to cup one's hands around and protect them from the wind, a flame that the violent winds of realities might easily extinguish."

其實如果可以的話。

彈珠1976

終於看完尋羊之後再看了彈珠1973，有種回頭想知道是什麼讓老鼠走到這。看完彈珠我又看了次和老鼠最後見面在漆黑的房子喝啤酒，把上了發條的鐘停了下來的完全的安靜，門開了老鼠走了出去。想著結尾河口的哭。

那句跟J 說買個唱機和彈珠台吧真是懷舊又感動。

養雞場倉庫電一開，啪啪啪啪亮起來閃著零零零零數字板的七十八臺彈珠台，還是我最喜歡的段落。

"We felt silent again. What we shared was no more than a fragment of a time ling dead. Yet memories remained., warm memories that remained with me like lights from the past. And I would carry those lights in the brief interval before death grabbed me and tossed me back into the crucible of nothingness."

來自過去的火光留存在心裡，溫暖的。

衣角

只要媽媽好像要開始某個灰暗的回憶的時候，我就要趕快切斷慢慢成形的湖，像跟在後頭的復健師拉著衣角，失去重心可是會掉進湖裡的吶。想像以後的事就好啦想那些要幹麻像個老頭地念，前面是一條長的走廊一直往前像河，捏得小小的一角，你跟著媽媽一步一步。

a strange weight

It was a strange weight. In it he could sense the fullness of a woman's existence: loving a man, bearing children, growing old and dying.

神無月

神無月
眾神出走
惡鬼橫行
魃魈魁鬾魑魅魍魎

這裡沒有神

理解

向陽說那是連理解都不要，就只是陪伴。

我也不想要被理解，我想要的也是陪伴。小孩和小孩不用以理解來理解，那是大人的把戲。

我想要是小孩。

郝南董

南董，姓郝，你好，南董好
我不知道哪些是你的難懂哪些是你朋友的難懂
那些日常以致於難懂
南董他保證你南董好

讓你的黑暗說話

讓你的黑暗說話 ◎馬尼尼為

拿一張紙寫你的家庭
擠滿了人
外面黑
讓你的黑暗說話

feather

hi there,

a crow came to the land today.

i was taking a walk along the shore, and found a feather lying on the sand. the feather shone in the sunlight. i don't know a dark thing can be so beautiful and bright. long before i noticed, there stood a crow.

the crow stared at me, without moving or making a sound. i wondered what it wanted. water, food, or maybe it didnt want anything at all. i stared back at the crow.

i felt amazed to see how beautiful the creature is. it's as dark as darkness can be, and every darkness has its own. the sun shone the crow bright and showed a slanted shadow. the shadow was inky dark on the white sand. i noticed i had a shadow as well, dark and slanted as well. i stared at the shadow. it seemed to remind me of something in a deep place.

so me and the crow, my shadow and the crow's shadow, we kept each other company in the early afternoon. i didn't know how long it passed; and suddenly, the crow seemed to notice something, making a sound, and flew away.

i decided to keep the feather.

have a good day.

sep.5, 2018

nightmare

i don't know which one is more like a nightmare, the one in my dream or the one in reality.

moon

something out there like the moon